Clean My Bass

Tales of an Eight Day Wonder

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Poppity Pop Pop (Popping the Popper)
1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own LJ so we can try and track down these people who've read 6 and force books upon them.
5) I'm also striking books that I will never read.

So here's the problem. When you say you majored in English Lit in college, everyone assumes you've read every damn book on the planet. Or that once you've "earned" said degree you still have the same passion for reading. I'm here to tell you that both statements are lies. Big fffffffffffffffantastic lies. Majoring in literature pretty much just makes you hate literature. Much the same way I assume lawyers hate the law. Only we Lit. majors probably drink less scotch.

Well then, let's as they say... knock this shit out

1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen   You have to do time in the Victorian Era. It's just the way it is. I managed to read *no* Austen whatsoever. Because that's how I roll.
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien I read this on my own time. I think I hated myself more then.
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte You avoid the Austen you get the Bronte. Look out for flaming parrots.
4. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling Fuck. That. Shit.
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee Required in high school. Aren't dogs normally named Scout?
6. The Bible Let's be honest, parts of it.
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte  Well, you get *some* of the Bronte.
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell On my  own time again...and I *know* I hated myself more then.
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman Clueless on this.
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens Yeah, required.
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott All full up, thanks
12. Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy You people don't appreciate Hardy enough. And by you people, I mean women.
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare  No way get around that.
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier Clueless
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien For a book report in the 6th grade.
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks Clueless
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger   Yeah, we're not going to talk about this one.
19. The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger Heard of it.
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot It was either this or 'The Mill on the Floss''
1. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald On my own dime *again*...and I got burned *again*
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens Listen, if you want to know if someone read this, asked them who spontaneous combusts.
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams Never felt the calling.
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens Yeah, yeah, more dick.
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34. Emma - Jane Austen No thanks
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen No really, no thanks
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden Meh
40. Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown Shoot me in the head
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy Love that Hardy
48. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding Well, *I* thought it was interesting. And completely believable after interacting with 3 kids 12 days out of 14.
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52. Dune - Frank Herbert I figured any movie Sting was in must have been a great book... right?
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen Jane, give it the fuck up.
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens Missed this one. Why am I gonna read a Brit write about French people?
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley I liked the made for TV movie where Spock played a lead role.
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon Ex-girlfriend gave it to me.
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov I was assigned this twice in college.
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac Tried. Failed.
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy Solid Hardy novel. If you haven't killed yourself at the end...well, you've reached the end.
68. Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville .
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens Mooooooooooooooooooore dick
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce FUCK JAMES JOYCE
76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens Dickie dick dick
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87.Charlotte's Web - EB White I believe it was read to me in the 4th grade.
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle  WELL, SOME OF IT
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad Assigned 3 times in college. Honestly, I kinda liked it.
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas Kinda pushing my way through it
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare Should be covered in the complete works
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

So here's the thing, he said trying not to be judgey. Where the hell did this list come from. Where are the black writers? Yeah, you got Alice Walker, nice work. What about Charles Chestnut? Too obscure? I didn't see one fucking Toni Morrison and let me tell you, she writes a bit. Some would say somewhat well. There's also Ralph Ellison, I didn't want to read 'The Invisible Man' but I did. And that should fucking count for something.

Going on, no Henry James. Sure no one *likes* Henry James but if you're looking for late 1800's to early 1900's American writers, you put Henry fucking James on the list. Turning of the Screw. Portrait of a Lady. The Bostonians. Washington Square. I hate them all but it's "expected".

Didn't notice any James Fenimore Cooper or Nathaniel Hawthorne either. Suddenly it seems as if we're pissing all OVER early American writers. But you got Melville in there so I suppose it's ok, or is it?

There's also nothing from the Greeks or Romans. But you got JK fucking Rowlings in there. Sorry Homer, Ovid, etc, your stories were just a little too unoriginal.

Oh yeah, no Hemingway either. But he wasn't important, right?

And this is why Lit. majors don't read anymore. Because we're told what to read, and then told why being told what to read it wrong. It's part of the canon and you can't live inside the canon. Or that you're limiting yourself to books in English or that have been translated into English and that that *really* isn't the same as reading it in its native language. And all the while you just want it all to just stop.

But there are memes to fill out... and posts to make... and drama to manufacture...


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